Almost there…
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
a friend with no skin to reach within
Current mood: numb
Category: Life
I miss you.
I miss knowing, or at least believing that you cared.
And that you saw something in me worth caring about.
I miss crazy photos and late night covnersations. I miss feeling connected to your life and whatever it meant to you.
I’m swimming and blundering along trying to reach you. But there’s all this liquid in between us and I can’t touch your skin. I can’t find a way in.
and I’m sitting on a porch somewhere in a darkened street saying to myself over and over again – why don’t you want me? In a small, small voice that can barely make itself be known. and that small voice will vibrate its way out through my eyes until my whole body collapses into itself with the pain, the shaking, tight loss of your love, your regard.
that’s what the little fish will say when it realises the door is locked from within.
_______________________
I wish I had a sadness shield. that’s a cool line Shaylee. thanks for sharing
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
disappearing people
Current mood: melancholy
I want to ask why you pressed delete.
Why you made her disappear? Can you hear her fingers? tapping at the keyboard?
She’s asking herself questions. Half formed questions without any real space or breath. questions about chocies and words and not replied to offers and moments of reach. How much is too much to bear or have as her burden? of the shame and the guilt and the blame?
She is a cracking disappearing photo on your page. Where did she go?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
for my family
I want to write you a different kind of story
the kind with words that ring with hope and weep with love
thats the kind of story i want to write you.
i want to for a moment put down all the fear and doubts and half formed surrenders.
i want to lift my voice, my words past all of that.
and meet you there
in the silence
creating art in the desert 